Adderall the Double Edged Sword

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I have been ADHD my entire life and was officially diagnosed my freshman year of college. When I was toddler I was extremely shy to the point of intense social anxiety. My teachers always told my parents that I was very quiet. As I merged into elementary school, every aspect of school was mentally painful. No matter how hard I tried, my mind would always drift into the clouds and I would miss information.

If information somehow got past this stage, it was vaguely recalled.

I couldn’t help but feel intensely bored with class and found a new excitement for talking to classmates. Usually social anxiety was a blanket over me, but compared to sitting in class it was more interesting. Every “progress” report always said something along the lines of “always talking in class” and “could be doing better on tests”. This became he norm for me and I just kind of accepted it.

Enter high school, and it only got worse trying to focus. My grades fell lower than before, and any assignment was always followed with procrastination. My mood was all over the place all the time. Failures in my life started to buildup into a wave of depression. Then I discovered adderall. The first time I took it, it was amazing. For the first time I felt normal and could actually get my work done. The fog was lifted and a crystal clear mind shone bright. I didn’t have an Rx at the time, so I just found what I could here and there.

There was no way I was going to be able to get through college without adderall’s help. I went to a psychiatrist and had a long awaited diagnosis which as I knew, showed I was a gold example of ADHD. I was prescribed to adderall and will never forget how I made As and Bs that semester.

Unfortunately as with all stimulants, tolerance began to build up. I had to take more to get the same effect and it got to a point where it was barely working anymore. My personality was changing, and my baseline was just an awake zombie. I decided it was time to take a break from this nonsense and felt better. Over a few months school was just as difficult for me as before and I decided to get on adderall roller coaster again. The light in my head lit up and the gears began winding up at full speed.

I decided that I needed adderall to function in life and took it everyday. Overtime tolerance once again came back with a vengeance and I felt even more out of it than before. Depression, altered sense of self and just a mentally burned out feeling. Eating healthier did help by a lot, but the power of amphetamines will always triumph over the brain’s reward system.

I have come to the realization that I am tired of this up and down seesaw of inconsistency and diminished effects. Adderall releases dopamine and norepinephrine which also causes your brain to get lazy and sit back. Adderall does all the work now so your brain down regulates itself. The only problem is that once you stop, it takes a while for your brain to decide that adderall isn’t going to release dopamine and norepinephrine for it anymore so it gets off its butt and starts doing the work itself again.

As a conclusion to the experiences I have had with adderall I can say for sure it works, and it works amazingly well. The only problem is that it wont always give you the motivation you feel when you first take it. That wears off after a while.  It will always do it’s job though and give you the ability to focus on whatever you are doing.  People that take adderall tell their psychiatrists that it has stopped working when in fact it still is working, it’s just not giving you the amphetamine motivation that it once did.  In a way this teaches you to actually motivate yourself which is a growing process that everybody needs to do anyways.  In the long run you are totally screwing up your brain’s reward system if you don’t have a imbalance to begin with.  My reward system never worked properly anyways so all in all Adderall does help me. No matter what supplements you add to the mix, how much you exercise, and how much healthier you eat, daily consumption of adderall will not always give you the motivation high you are looking for. Days off have to be taken every week to desentize the brain. The more days you don’t take it, the less desensitized you will be. Take it only for the short term if you don’t need it, and when you do, never underestimate the power of amphetamines. Here’s to helping society enjoy things they don’t enjoy! =D

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